Don't tell anyone that you are thinking about having an affair, have already had an affair, or are presently involved in an affair. The fewer people who know about it the better. Even if you were to confide in your most trusted friend, that friend may accidentally let it unknowingly slip out in an innocent conversation. If your closest and most trusted friend were to let the cat out of the bag, even if they didn't mean to, your friend would no longer be your friend. And slip ups such as these can never be fixed. Period. The end result is a lot of people needlessly feeling miserable. The old saying, "Loose Lips Sink Ships" comes to mind. Secrets are hard to keep when they're this juicy. Bottom line - keep it to yourself.
I can't stand it ...... the gossip would be the end of me! Get me outta here!
If involved in a short term fling, you might want to avoid telling your 'affair' your real name, where you live, and also avoid telling where or what company you work for, if at all possible.
Even if you are visiting from out of town, if you've used your own identity it's very simple to find your home phone number by using directory assistance or by contacting the head office of the company you work for. Having an unlisted phone number is a good idea, but you'll first have to explain to your spouse why you need one.
If you intend to use a different identity, you will first need to invent another identity for yourself. This involves deception and lies. I for one have tried this, and found the experience somewhat less than fulfilling. It resulted in my feeling quite empty both during and after the affair was over.
The upside of an alias is the reduced risk of exposure. You can be anyone or anything you want to be. The downside is the fact that you know the affair will last only for a brief time. From the first moment you decide to use a different identity, the deception begins. If you "connect" with your affair and wish to continue to see this person for a longer period of time, the deception will become unmanageable.
You do run the risk of running into someone you know while with your affair who will accidently expose you simply by saying "Hello *place your real name here*". How would you explain that?!
Make sure you have polished up your other "identity" before even thinking about approaching a potential fling. As mentioned above, you can create any kind of identity for yourself. It can be as far fetched as you like, just make sure you know enough about your new identity to elaborate when asked questions about yourself.
For example, what happens when your potential affair asks you what you do for a living? Let's say you tell him/her that you're an Air Traffic Controller. What happens when your affair informs you that he/she is a Commercial Pilot?
If you slip and your affair discovers your real name, it's best to offer a phone number where you can be reached. This phone number will be that of a personal pager, or a cell phone that is only used by yourself. If you were to give your affair a bogus number, your 'affair' might assume you gave them wrong number by accident and decide to use directory assistance to find you. Not good.
Oh, and by the way: using an alias can be considered fraudulent. Illegal in most, if not all states. NOT RECOMMENDED!
O.K. You've scared me enough. Take me
elsewhere.Credit card charges are put on a bill. The monthly bill is sent to your home if it's your personal card or to the accounting department if it's a company business card. If your household is run anything like my household when it comes to money matters, my spouse is very involved. Unless you are extremely good at talking your way out of things on the spur of the moment, it is very difficult to explain how that $125.00 dinner at the Chez Louis in Dallas got on the bill. When the company accountant finds a questionable charge on the company card, he/she will start to ask questions. Avoid any suspicion by using cash only.
Here's an unusual
scenario that actually happened when using a personal credit card.Holy Moley! I can't afford to read on. Let's change the subject.
Isn't technology wonderful? Not if you're having an affair. Call display will ruin your life. Phone number display systems have made calling from your home or office phone a very dangerous thing to do.
There is a feature called call blocking to counter this particular problem. However, you should only use it if you are absolutely certain how to use the call blocking feature. Another thing to consider if you call from home is the redial feature that is found on most modern phones. When you hang up after talking to your "friend", make sure you key in a couple of numbers so that your spouse or child doesn't accidentally call your lover if they hit the redial feature. Better yet, just don't call from home or office and save yourself the uncertainty.
If you must call your lover it is relatively safe (but not foolproof)
to call from a hotel room. If your lover receives the number you're calling from
on their call display and decides to call you back they will have trouble
if they asks the hotel operator to put them through if you have used a bogus
last name. This may raise suspicion with your lover when the
hotel operator informs them that there is no one checked in under that name,
but better that than the possible consequences of giving your real
name. The hotel staff is forbidden by law to divulge any names of their
guests if anyone should ask but that doesn't mean that it won't be given
out if persuaded strongly enough. Alternatively, if you call your lover
from your hotel room phone, give them the room number so they can ask for
it directly when talking to the hotel operator.
Another problem you may face is getting the computer generated record of all
the phone calls you made from your room removed from the invoice. I make
it a habit to pay off all outstanding (and incriminating) phone charges
and ask the hotel clerk to remove them from the invoice before they send
it to the company. Sometimes this cannot be done. If not, don't phone your
"affair's" home or work number as it may come back to haunt you.
A very safe way of contacting your lover is with a pay phone. It may not be as convenient but it only costs a quarter (if it's a local call) and is virtually risk free. What about using a credit card to pay for the pay phone call you ask? Don't pay it with your personal (associated with your home account) or company credit card!
Here's what I'm doing for a safe and convenient way of making phone calls using a calling card.
There are disposable calling cards available which leave no trail. It's well worth looking into. You can find these in just about any convenience store. I know of at least a dozen different low cost calling cards, each with a different payment scheme. Check to make sure that you buy a card that does not charge a connection fee each time you make a phone call, otherwise you'll be charged a minimum fee even if you get an answering machine. (minimum fee runs about $1.50 per connection) These cards can be purchased for as little as $5 and as much as $50, depending on how much "airtime" you wish to buy. An average deal is 4 hours of airtime for anywhere in North America for $20. If you pay more than that you are not getting the best deal out there, however, even if you pay a little more... it's still a great way to phone your lover while minimizing the risk!!!Sounds like too much work to possibly be worth it.
See Ya!There is nothing more suspicious than a change in your regular routine. Do not change colognes or begin to dress differently. Do not start to "stay late in the office" on a regular basis if you haven't done so all along. Any changes to the norm will provide reason for suspicion and will get you caught.
If you find yourself in a position that requires a condom, USE IT WITHOUT FAIL!!!!
It is impossible to explain to your spouse were you picked up that disease without telling them everything. You have too much to lose by being stupid! If there is one rule to never, ever break, this is it! Even if you think you know everything there is to know about a person and you're absolutely positive about them, Protect yourself and your loved ones from pain and heartache......... PUT IT ON!!! "Nuff said......
Photographs are not allowed. That goes for your affair or of you and especially of you and your affair together.
Do not give your lover notes in your handwriting. If you do send a typewritten note don't sign it with a name that can be traced back to you. If the note or letter is sent in the mail, beware the postmark of the city from which you mail it from.
Telephone calls can be recorded. When you have a phone conversation with your affair, be aware of any suspicious clicks or beeps on the line. If you suspect that the conversation is being recorded, cut the call off ASAP.
Never keep phone numbers or addresses in your wallet or daytimer unless they are coded. I have a system where the name of my lover is written backwards and a tag is added. Additionally the last part of the actual phone number is backwards.
For example, Linda Smith in Dallas whose number might be 123-4567 becomes
121 Smith Street
Dallas TX
123-7654
Good Grief! This is too much. Goodbye!
Remember that the above guidelines are not by any means a guarantee that you won't get caught. There are, I'm sure, other things that could be done to make it a safer venture but I as yet have not discovered them. Remember, when you play with matches, you might get burned!
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Last Modified Wednesday, April 04, 2001