Reader Comments January 2002 - July 2002
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July 30, 2002
I just want to tell you I've gotten more high quality response on your Private Affairs Personals
service than any of the others I've tried thus far. - Thanks
Elaine from Somewhere in USA
July 18, 2002
I met someone through your web site and began what I thought was
a long term affair. Both of us are professionals and were very unhappy in our
dead marriages. We met the love of our lives!
We divorced our spouses and were recently remarried with most of our famililes blessings.
Had it not been for your site we would have never met.
Although your site stated otherwise, looking for love in the right place was certainly the case here
thank you!
Jordie
July 12, 2002
I am someone waiting to see if my intended will agree to the
affair. We are both married, no kids. We were both high school
sweethearts, but I broke up with him because of religious differences.
Dumb! After realizing how miserable I was in my marriage, I went out to
look for him to see how he was doing. I found him on the classmates
website, and paid $30 to send an email to him. At first we only were going
to be strictly friends, even though we both still love each other after 15
years. We met for lunch twice and just kissed, and we email when we can.
He has made it clear he doesn't want to leave his wife, and I can't leave
my spouse because of financial debt, family ridicule, and persecution from
my church. It is easier to just have the affair. I have asked him to spend
the night with me, and I am waiting for an answer. I am past the guilt
right now, but I'm not sure if he can live with himself if he goes through
with it. We will see. But we will always be good friends even if we don't
sleep together, which is good.
As for tips on not getting caught, I make sure I use the library's
computer when emailing him. No one can trace your stuff on hotmail in a
public place. We never call each other on the phone. Duh. If we have an
affair, it is going to be when our spouses are out of town. I am going to
be going on a ladies retreat, where there isn't any phone service, way out
in the boonies. That's my cover plan for now. Or we may go to a casino
with a hotel because he gambles all the time, and no one would ever look
for me in a casino ever! Yes, always act normally. My spouse notices the
littlest change in my attitude and my whereabouts.
Thank you for this forum. It has helped me sort some issues out in my
head. I'll let you know how it goes!
DIDI
June 15, 2002
email: removed to protect the guilty
Thank you for this site. When I'm ready, it's good to know you
are here. I now have some pre-established guidelines within which to
operate, both for myself and my special friend. This is truly a wonderful
site!
Jeb
June 13, 2002
Name: James
Your website has definitely given me useful tips. I'm with a
beautiful blonde who I enjoy on a regular basis. You've given
me relief knowing I'm not alone, and I am going to be much more cautious
now than I was in the past.
Thanks!
June 11, 2002
I believe that it takes all kinds to make a world. I know that
not everyone will be able to understand core fundamental principles of
living well, but it doesn't make them bad people. But in the spirit of
humanity, thank God we have the many who do strive for honesty (even if we
sometimes fall short) in an attempt to find their highest and their
greatest good because it is on these shoulders that mankind survives all
others are interesting to say the least, but trifling all the same. But
that's just my $.02.
Avery
****Err... just what ARE you saying here my friend?.... Doug
May 29, 2002
Name: Delores
I'm grateful I've found a website that offers so much
information on this subject. I have friends who are in this "situation",
I am in this "situation", and I have had serious doubts about myself and
what we're doing. I have read some of the info to my friends or printed
it out for them to read (there's so much posted).
I'm 32 involved with a
50yo man, classic case of mid-life crisis (or so I think) We live near
each other, see each other at parties and functions, his wife hugs me when
she sees me and my husband shakes his hand....it's a little strange, but
I'm accepting the fact that we really like each other and you can't help
who you're attracted to.
It's been three months since it started and
we're planning entire days, not nights, away together. We talk every day,
see each other as much as possible, and feel whole when we're together.
We know it will not last forever so we savor the moments. We are both
business owners living in a small town so between us we know half of the
people who live here. That leaves very little margin for error.
Both of
our jobs requires us to be on the road thoughout the day so that's when we
see each other. The "HINTS" page was helpful, some of it is common sense,
but when you're thinking with your heart, you don't do things the same,
cautious way. Thanks for having a non-judgemental place for me to go.
Ever so thankful
March 24, 2002
This site helps me..I'm going through the pain of losing my soul
mate CR..I'm an attractive women early 30's 2 beautiful children , married
almost 11 years...met him thru work..we were friends 1st with that instant
chemistry and magnetism..he was married with 2 twin girls and baby on the
way..I fantasized about him constantly and hoped for a deeper
relationship.
It finally happened and it was the most passionate , erotic
, romantic experience ever in my life..I felt he was made for me..but fell
very hard for him.started being jealous of his wife (I played like I
didn't care, but wanted to be with him so badly).I still love him dearly
more than my husband..we were discovered a month ago..my husband found my
hotmail address and I must have set auto log in, he read all the evidence!
He was devastated and ended my affair by calling CR and threatening to
tell his wife..I promised my husba I wld stay with him if he would not
tell CR's wife..I love CR too much for him to be made a life without his
children..
I'm happy now only on the surface , trying to reconcile the
marriage for the children and ended up in a nervous breakdown..I'm
moderately depressed now and grieving daily..all this did was cause
anguish and pain and I now live in a fantasy that someday we will meet
again..it's very sad:(
I send letters to CR and emails..no response..it's
like talking to a ghost or the dead..I cry nightly for this man..it's the
greatest loss I've ever experienced, however I never regret the happiness
and passion I felt with him even though it was a long distance
relationship and we only had 4 encounters..it was worth all the pain!
CA
Feb 23, 2002
I just want to thank you as i thank everyone else on the Philanderers Forum continually for their support and patience with Jake and I.
I am so glad I found this site. The support has been great. My head would still be spinning if not for philanderers forum. I have also met someone through my ad and I am much happier than when I first arrived.
Jaqueline
Feb 19, 2002
comments: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I met my married lover 18
years ago. I was married too. At that time, we just couldn't go through
with an affair. We had too much respect for one another and our spouses.
I divorced---dated--but never remarried. He remained married. But,
like many other people----September 11---affected us deeply and we made
the decision to love one another the way we had always wanted. I am 49,
successful and perfectly content to remain single...... we share intimate
hours together that we TRULY appreciate. Before departing I say a prayer
and he says "Amen".
I am grateful to know there are other people who understand. He chooses
to remain married and I encourage that he help raise their 16 year old
child. She's known about me all these years and falsely accused of him of
sleeping with me years ago. Now, apparently she doesn't care. I don't
ask. I don't care. He's mine and has been for nearly two decades in all
the ways that really count. It's been only recently that we started
sharing the physical aspects of our deep and loving romance. Thanks for
the site and forum.....I don't feel so alone with my situation.
P's Sweetheart
Feb 14, 2002
comments: I'd like to thank you for this site, especially the articles page. I am currently having an affair, after 25 years of marriage, with a
wonderful lady, who is also married. Reading the advice etc has helped get my head straight for the first time in weeks. thanks once again and keep
up the good work.
Glad in the UK
Feb 3, 2002
Great Website all. I am 33yo and having an affair with a 40yo married women. It may seem strange but after the first time we slept together we actually made a point of being in the company of each other's spouses. Why you may ask? Our theory was simple. We hadn't got in so deep we couldn't walk away. We are both friends of our respective spouses and needed to make sure that we could be in their presence together without any problems. This is not for the faint hearted I must say but did prove a point to ourselves. Since then we have found that as we were very close friends to start with , we are able to revert back to this mode when necessary. The one suggestion I have if ever heading down this track: be very ,very , very sure of your (and their) ability to look at your partner as a friend in any situation! If you aren't then you are asking for
trouble.
Cautious Carl
Feb 5, 2002
I stumbled across your website in my search for some moral support for my situation and it was so wonderful to finally find such a nonjudgmental attitude from the people who write in. Also, I found some excellent advice. My problem is that I have been involved in an affair for nearly three years now and have probably broken every rule. My co-workers know about my affair. I am not the married one. I have been divorced for several years. The man I am involved with has been married 11 years. Between us, we have five children under the age of 11. I met him through my work and immediately fell in love. I knew he was married, but it didn't stop me. It took me nearly a year to talk him into getting involved in a relationship with me. I know he will never leave his wife and am pretty certain that if she ever walked out on him, he would not come running to me. I even doubt he loves me. I think it is purely sexual on his part...that, and he loves the excitement of getting away with forbidden sex with someone other than his spouse. It was nice to find a website that didn't chastise people like me. I am the other woman. I am not proud of the fact, but it is still the fact. I love this man and want to be with him for as long as possible...married or not. Thank you for having the courage to step up and give a voice to those of us who don't feel we are doing anything wrong.
freakygirl
Feb 1 2002
Frankly, I'm surprised that the website doesn't deal with helping people cope with the emotional side of what started as an affair and turned into falling in love. How do people handle the intense emotional connection, deep friendship and support that comes from a "good" affair within the limits of the affair. These feelings can develop whether in a "married" participant or a not married one in the affair. I don't think of what I'm doing as "having an affair" as that belittles the commitment, caring, devotion, emotional support and friendship involved. I think my married "lover" would agree with the discomfort of that label as well. Any comments or advice on what to do with the emotional part of this? A website that just focuses on "how to not get caught" isn't helping people figure out what they should do with the feelings of self-worth, love and support that can come from a long term (good) affair. When the "affair" is really about all that, where should it go? Stay the same? End it because it is going too far? Turn it into something "real"?
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Webmaster's Note*
So how does one deal with this in the long term when on a deep emotional level? It seems to me that unlike this visitor, some people are able to keep this in perspective despite becoming deeply involved emotionally and otherwise. My answer.... communication. that and continually reminding oneself how the relationship started and what the limitations of that relationship are. A couple at this level must communicate any questions that arise as a result of the deep connection. Not doing so will cause one or both parties to beigin wondering where the relationship will go if allowed to continue.. Worse yet, not communicating these concerns may lead one or both people to assume something more than the other intended. Very dangerous if allowed to go on... Doug
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Jan 31, 2002
Just wanted to drop a line or two about how much I have enjoyed
your website, and have let others know about it as well. I am a single
female involved with a wonderful married man for almost three years now.
I answered his personals ad, which described the woman he was looking for,
who sounded like me to a "T" so I just had to write him. Yes, he did
convey in his ad up front that he was married with kids and not looking to
change that, which was fine with me as I wasn't interested in
marriage/kids, but would definitely enjoy spending great times with a very
generous and charming gentleman friend, no strings, no drama. We
e-mailed, talked on the phone, exchanged pics, and met about two weeks
later. Instant mutual attraction from day one. I have traveled with him
on business trips, enjoyed fabulous restaurants, and been very
appreciative of the lovely gifts he enjoys giving. While we both are very
fond of each other, show mutual respect and admiration, and have wonderful
sex, we both agreed that this would not become an emotionally bonded
relationship to complicate each others lives, and this has worked out
quite well. Having a wonderful, wonderful time....
Signed, Prism
Jan 20, 2002
comments: I hope this gets into the page where all the comments from so
many others are posted.
Anyway, on the tips of having an affair, I believe that the first thing is
never to be out-of-character. This is even more crucial if your spouse
already suspects something. You'll be surprised how a small change in
character can be so clear to someone who is watching! For example, if you
never shaved on Sundays and then started to do so and also began saying
you had started enjoying evening walks, that would sound really
suspicious.
So upon embarking on an affair, you must think hard about how you behave
usually and maintain that character. Obviously, if you are a jeans and
t-shirt type and began to wear a nice shirt, questions are bound to be
asked.
Just thought I'd add some of my tips. I am embarking on an affair and will
contribute other tips as I go along.
Nueman
Jan 16, 2002
comments: Just came across your site last night and am thrilled. I've
been having an affair for 2 months and feel like I have to be the only
one! I'm in my mid 30's and have been married 10+ years and have 2 kids.
I love my husband dearly and he's a wonderful man and father, but the
flame went out long ago. I thought I'd be able to subsitute stability and
friendship for passion, but I'm a young woman and have just entered my
prime. Our sex life has always been fine but I want that intense physical
attraction. I want that feeling where you just can't wait to rip each
others clothes off. Well, I found it and it's amazing. Scary too. If my
husband found out I believe he would divorce me, and that's NOT what I
want. But now I'm so addicted to this wonderful feeling I just can't end
it. It doesn't help that I've fallen in love with this man either. I
know we won't be able to carry on this affair forever, but for now I'm
going to enjoy every minute of it. Even though there will come a day
we'll both end up with broken hearts.
Amanda
Jan 13, 2002
I had an affair with a family friend. It lasted for over a year.
My husband discovered the long distance phone bills and went nuts! He has
never had a direct confession but my lover told his wife.Lied about how
long it had been going on, but still told her about it! No matter how
sneaky you think you are or careful you are .....you had better be ready
to face some consequences when you are caught.
So Close
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